Beyond Survival: The Power of Living Your Purpose

It breaks my heart when I look back at my life as a child. I remember how often I used to ask myself the question, “What’s the point of living? Why am I even here?” It’s a question no child should ever have to ask themselves.

It’s also a question I carried for so long as an adult, when I didn’t realize that years of physical abuse and resulting trauma were the cause of this doubt. It’s this doubt that led me to choose things in my life for external validation and to feel self-worth. Partners, careers, titles, money—anything that can numb the pain of my inner child whose little body was harmed and made to feel worthless.

Intellectually, I knew I had so much to offer the world. Deep down, I just wanted to matter.

If you’re going through a tough time where you feel unsafe and unsure things will ever get better, I want you to know: you matter.

If your childhood was one where you felt you needed to survive, and you’re carrying out those same survival patterns in your work, life, or relationships as an adult: you matter.

If you are on your healing journey and you feel defeated by how painful it can feel sometimes: you matter.

Everything that’s ever happened in this universe led up to you being here at this moment. You are not here by accident. Each of us has a purpose, including you.

I’m currently writing from my sister’s couch, watching my 7-year-old nephew as he colors on the floor. His little self is focused on the house he’s drawing for his mother while he waits for her to come home from work. Sometimes he looks up and smiles to show me his progress.

It’s in these moments that he reminds me what purpose means to me—a feeling of flow and oneness with however and wherever we are in the present moment. It’s a feeling of being safe to be our authentic selves and to bring that self into the world so we can do what we feel driven to do.

Your purpose can be tied to your career, family, communities, interests and hobbies—or none of the above. Living your purpose doesn't have to be about building a revolutionary business, though it can be. It doesn’t have to be about being an innovator, an activist, or a changemaker, though it can be. That’s the beauty of purpose—it’s about living in whatever way feels meaningful to you.

As the influential author and speaker Simon Sinek says, our purpose is “our why,” our reason for getting up in the morning and doing what we do. However, for a long time I confused purpose with others’ expectations of me. I chased things to gain safety, recognition, and acceptance to fill the void from my childhood.

This trauma response of choosing from a place outside me skewed “my why.” When I finally had everything I thought I wanted—a lucrative career, fancy title, and my own apartment in NYC—I felt lost. I realized I didn’t know “my why” at all. All I knew was how to survive but when I didn’t have to survive anymore, I felt empty. This is where healing trauma becomes the gateway to living a truly purpose-driven life.

My coaching clients are often corporate professionals and leaders who feel burned out, numb, or unmotivated in their careers. I was just like them once. Together, we work with their nervous systems and protective parts so they can reduce stress in the workplace, transition into self-employment, or take one of the greatest leaps of them all—identifying and living their purpose.

I’ve found that a lack of purpose often stems from deep shame and a lack of self-worth. For many, these feelings are rooted in complex trauma, the result of repeated challenging events such as childhood sexual or physical abuse, neglect, or bullying. The emotional wounds that come with trauma shape my clients’ beliefs about themselves and the world around them, preventing them from seeing that there is more available out there than unfulfilling partners and careers. What’s worse is even when they discover what’s available, some don’t feel they deserve it and don’t give themselves permission to have it.

The good news is that recovering from trauma is possible, and it's essential for reconnecting with your purpose. By addressing childhood wounds and learning to create a sense of safety in your body, you can begin to cultivate self-compassion, build healthy beliefs and patterns, and feel empowered to move forward in life in a new way. Whether it’s through therapy, coaching, healing work or self-reflection, finding healthy ways to process and release the emotions that kept you safe, but prevented you from pursuing a more authentic life, can help you rebuild your sense of self-worth and reconnect you with what’s truly meant for you.

Science backs up the profound impact of living with purpose on our overall well-being. One study discusses how having a purpose in life is strongly associated with well-being and quality of life. Another study found that people with the highest (versus lowest) purpose had reduced risk of mortality, sleep problems and depression; lower loneliness; and higher optimism. I’ve found that my clients who have a sense of purpose tend to feel happier and have more life satisfaction than when they were going through the motions. They’re more excited to be with their communities, take care of their health, and make overall holistic improvements in their lives.

Living your purpose is about getting back to your core Self that has always been there, perhaps buried under layers of conditioning that were put on you or patterns you developed to protect yourself. The process of living your purpose has to do with removing those layers and slowly, but surely, arriving at a place where you begin to truly live it.

Purpose is deeply personal and unique to each person. It reflects your passions, values, and aspirations, and is the fuel that ignites you and motivates you to take action. When you live with purpose, you can feel a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction that goes beyond fleeting moments of happiness or temporary achievements.

Identifying your purpose is an inside-out process. Here’s a summary of how I break it down with my clients:

If your purpose has to do with your career, you’ll find that this process helps you design your work around your life, not your life around your work (and yes, you’ll be able to figure out the best way to make money without sacrificing fulfillment). Remember, you have the power to create whatever life you want, one that honors your unique gifts and talents and contributes to the greater good of humanity.

Today, I’m in a much better place. I’ve spent years healing childhood wounds and unlearning challenging beliefs and patterns that kept me stuck for much of my adult life. I still have my moments of fear and doubt, but as often as possible, I let my intuition guide me so my mind can make the best choices for me and my body can take action.

Through my own healing work, I discovered that I value feeling joyful and free. I practice feeling these emotions internally any moment I can. From an external perspective, I've designed my life so that I can have more opportunities to feel these emotions—I live and work around the world full-time, make and sell my art, and coach others to design their lives around their values too. It took shedding a lot of what I believed and embodied about myself, so I could leave my 9-5 career and be open to new possibilities. From there, it was about creating the nervous system flexibility I needed to turn these possibilities into reality. All of this is possible for you too.

If you’re a trauma survivor like me, there may have been days you grieved the time and life you lost due to the harm you experienced. I certainly did. We can’t get back that time but it’s never too late to make the rest of our years even better. Learn to embrace who you are and why you're here, and allow your truth to guide you through your decisions and actions. You deserve to feel and be abundant, alive, empowered or whatever positive emotions you want to feel. Whatever is meant for you out there in your future starts in you today.